


Whiskey

by devil_in_a_halo



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas is dead, Dean is depressed, Depression, M/M, Sam is in the Cage, this entire thing is really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:39:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5622655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devil_in_a_halo/pseuds/devil_in_a_halo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel died<br/>Sam is trapped in the cage with Lucifer</p><p>Dean is depressed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey

**Author's Note:**

> this is just me trying to work through my depression and not ruining my other works by making them all sad and shit so i made this

_The blood covered the ground soaking into it. Dean ran over holding Castiel's bloodied face in his hands. "Cas?" His voice cracked as his heart splintered into a million little pieces inside his chest. "You can't die on me Cas! Come on!" He shook his shoulders. Cas' eyes met Dean's as the light faded from them._

_"Good bye Dean" He tried to say but it really came out like "g-g-g-good b-b" He coughed blood painting his lips "bye" Tears fell from Dean's eyes like lava burning the skin they touched "d-d-d"_

_"Please Cas you can't, you can't die. I need you. I need you Cas!" Dean sobbed_

_"D-d-dean" His sky blue eyes that used to shine so bright dulled as all his muscles when lax._

_"CAS!" He called his name over and over again. But his angel was gone._

Dean shot up in bed and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. His felt froze as they touched the ice cold ground. The slapping of his feet echoed down the bunker hallway. He found his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of whiskey from one of the cabinets. Shuffling back to his room with the bottle tucked under his arm he settled back into his bed. 

Dean drunk straight from the bottle. Gulp after gulp he drowned himself in liquor. He blacked out after finishing the bottle. He welcomed the black feeling of nothingness over the images of Cas dying over and over again playing like a movie in his head that he can't stop thinking about. 

"He's going to die if he keeps going" He heard a voice that sounded like nails on a chalkboard and someone blending up nuts and bolts. He groaned burying his face in his pillow. Dean didn't have to look in a mirror to know what he looked like. Unwashed hair, bags under his eyes so dark he looks like he got punched, unshowered. He can't remember the last time he did anything like that. Even with the pounding headache that he was oh so used to these days he walked to the bathroom to shower. The water was cold but he could gather the energy to balance the hot and cold water. 

When he got back to his room smelling the best he has in weeks he couldn't find the energy to put on clothes so he crawled back into bed without them. He fell asleep. Dean did that a lot lately, he just slept all the time. But he never stayed asleep for long with the image of his dying angel forever burned into his memory that made it feel like there was lead in his veins weighing him down to the bed. 

Sometimes he woke up screaming his name. Sam tried to get him help but Dean refused every treatment he was offered. "I don't need help Sam 'cause nothing is wrong. I'm fine." But he knew he couldn't convince him of that, he couldn't even convince himself. 

The only thing that could make him better was the angel who died in his arms. 

He blacked out again that night with the help of his old friend whiskey. 

 

_"Dean?" Cas laughed turning around to face his hunter "Why is there mistletoe above the kitchen door?" Dean shrugged blushing_

_"Who know" He pulled the angel in by the waist and kissed him soundly making Sam gag from his seat in the kitchen "Oh shut up" He shot at Sam but the younger Winchester only laughed_

_Suddenly blood was coming out of Cas' mouth "CAS!?!?!" Dean freaked out grabbing the angel by the shoulders_

_"You kill everything you touch Dean" Cas said in his voice that he usually reserved for anyone other than Dean "I could have been alive if it wasn't for you" Dean took a step back not wanting to believe the words coming from the angel's lips, the lips he was kissing just a moment ago "Can't you get anything right Dean? Can't you save anyone? I thought you cared about me Dean. But you just let me die! You didn't even try to save me!"_

_"How many people do you have to kill Dean? How many people have to die before you're satisfied" It was Sam's voice this time "I mean how many times have I died for you?"_

_"No this isn't happening" Dean's voice faltered "This can't be happening"_

_"Oh it's happening Dean. You killed **all** of us!" Jo, Ellen, Bobby, Charlie, Kevin, all the people  who have died because of the Winchester brothers "Isn't this enough Dean? You've already killed so many! Why don't you add yourself to the collection!" _

Dean bolted upright his heart pounding in his ears. "No, no, no, no, no" 

_Cas is dead_

_Sam is trapped in the cage with Lucifer again_

_"You're all alone Dean" a voice cut through his trembling "No one that loves you is still alive"_

"No I can save Sam!" He yelled to the empty room tugging at his hair "I can save him! I CAN SAVE HIM!" He sobbed scrubbing the tears off his face. 

_"You're nothing Dean"_

_"You're pathetic"_

_"You're a killer, a murderer"_

_"Kill yourself and join the collection"_

Dean's body shook with sobs but he couldn't find the energy to wipe away the tears. He laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. 

_Useless_

_killer_

_murderer_

_pathetic_

_killer_

_killer_

_killer_

The words swam through Dean's brain pushing any other thoughts out. 

_All those people Dean... did they really deserve to die?_

_You are just a heartless killer_

_No better than the dirt under your feet_

Eventually the sobs subsided but he didn't have the energy to move. He laid there for minutes, hours, days, he didn't really know. He memorized every chunk of his concrete ceiling and when his eyes slipped closed he was wracked with nightmares. 

He couldn't even muster the energy to cry anymore. He felt nothing. Dean could barely remember what being happy felt like. It's like getting your soul ripped out of your body. 

All because he lost his angel. 


End file.
